Normally I avoid talking about politics like the f-ing plague, but someone recently asked me for my thoughts on the “Me Too” movement and that took me down a rabbit hole of my deepest, darkest thoughts and emotions. Gotta love it when that happens, right?  Can’t just veg out on the couch eating a bag of Cheetos and staring at the boob-tube anymore, now can we, Miranda? Nope, I gotta conclude my day with hours of deep reflection on politics, gender dynamics, and my role as a woman in society today.  

To be honest, though, that’s just me...being me. Analyzing and pining over these issues are what I like to do with my time. I can’t help it, and just like my addiction to Cheetos, I don’t even try to hide it anymore! I would much rather spend hours deep in my own thoughts trying to figure out our shitty societal norms and how we can change them, than mindlessly clicking a stupid remote control. (In fact, I’d like to kick whoever coined the term “ignorance is bliss” directly in the shin most days.)

That said, let’s get to the point of today’s blog. While I was down there in my dark, scary rabbit hole of consciousness, I started to think about the BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) lifestyle and how today’s Me Too movement might have influence over this amazing and wonderful type of sex play. I started thinking…is the BDSM mindset still alive and well in today’s political climate? And with the rise of female empowerment across the board, is anyone (ANYONE)ok with being the “submissive” now?

At first, these questions left me in a bit of a bind (pun intended) because I consider myself an empowered woman and far from submissive in my day-to-day life. But then I realized that there are so many qualities about BDSM that everyone, both men and women, can actually learn from in today’s world. Here are the top three:

1) How to really listen.  Perhaps the most important part of BDSM is the communication that happens before, during and after your naughty sexual encounters. This communication involves everything from discussing what your boundaries are and what is off-limits, to what feels good and what the “safe word” is. But good communication is never, ever a one-sided deal. That was so flippin’ epic, I’ll repeat it. Good communication is never, ever a one-sided deal. Both parties must also listen - truly listen - to each other before any whips, chains, gags, and more make their debut in the bedroom.  

2) How to prioritize consent.  BDSM sometimes gets a bad rep for being “violent,” but let me assure you that there is a huge difference between sexual violence and the immense sexual pleasure one can feel with pain. The clear and obvious difference is that a consensual exchange takes place in BDSM. You and your partner are giving permission and are ultimately excited about what will take place physically with each other. But consent should always be top of mind for all sexual encounters, not just the kinkier ones. I wish I didn’t have to write that, but I do.  

3) How to actually play again.  No matter what political party you subscribe to (or not), I think we can all admit that today’s political environment is particularly stressful.  It’s stressful for men, for women, for people of all genders, races, sexes, and orientations.  It’s just stressful, full stop!  But for some, that stress can have an impact (sometimes a really big impact) on interpersonal relationships.  It can impact how we date, who we date, how we interact with our partners, and even how we feel when...you know...we’re doin’ it.  BDSM gives us an opportunity to put all of those stressors aside, get into character, let go of judgement or expectation, and learn to play again.  Admit it - wouldn’t a little playtime be so refreshing right about now?

~ Miranda Buzzlove