Sex Toys to Get Your Sexy Back & Keep It There

First, a huge Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there, including my own amazing mother (side note: my mom loves telling her friends her son is a sex therapist). Despite her conservative, Midwestern roots, she is not shy about relaying to me her friends’ questions or concerns about sex. These questions are important, because Mother’s Day also marks the beginning of Women’s Health Week. Remember — sex isn’t just about pleasure, and it’s not just for women in their twenties with bodies like perfume-ad models. 

In fact, it’s especially vital for moms (or grandmas) to keep feeling sexy as they get older. Let’s first discuss some of the physical benefits of a healthy sex life. These health benefits actually get more — not less — important as the years go by. And besides being good for both body and brain, great sex warms the heart.

Getting Older & Staying Sexy

Why is a healthy sex life important? Firstly, women are more likely than men to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a natural way to relieve stress? The good news is that people who have intercourse at least once every few weeks are reportedly better at managing stressful situations. Stress relief is vital for women’s health. In one study, women with intense phobic anxiety were 59% more likely to have a heart attack, as well as more likely to die from one.

Like all women, aging females need to maintain healthy immune systems to fight off ailments ranging from the common cold to cancer. Sex boosts the immune system by increasing levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A (IgA). A benefit of IgA is that it helps to relieve pain and headaches, as demonstrated by one study which found that about 50% of women with migraines felt relief after orgasm. Orgasm also assists your body in getting rid of chemicals that cause cramps, and it can make your periods shorter. 

As women get older, however, some have difficulty reaping the same health benefits from sex that they did at a younger age. Lower estrogen levels during menopause can lower desire for sex. In addition, any medical conditions that affect general health can get in the way of a full sex life. Illnesses that affect the cardiovascular system, such as high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal issues, depression or anxiety, can hinder sexual activity. Furthermore, some of the medications used to treat these conditions can lower sexual response or ability to reach orgasm.

In light of Women’s Health Week, the issue of breast cancer comes to mind in particular. This type of cancer will affect one in eight women during their lifetime. Fortunately, treatment saves countless victims of breast cancer. Nonetheless, the treatments can have side effects that impact sexual health, including genital pain and narrowing of the vagina. 

For women living with cancer, cancer survivors, or any woman who wants to make a difference in the fight against breast cancer, we at CalExotics offer our Inspire line of sex toys. A portion of Inspire line sales is donated to Living Beyond Breast Cancer, a nonprofit foundation that provides programs and services for women whose lives have been impacted by breast cancer. Learn more about them at LBBC.org.

Getting Back in Sexual ‘Shape’

Below are a couple of Inspire’s best sex toy Mother’s Day gifts. Think about selecting one of these to help a special lady in your life feel even more special on this holiday.

1. Inspire Silicone Dilator Kit — This 5-piece dilator set is appropriately pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness. For any woman experiencing painful intercourse, these dilators are a wonderful tool for stretching your vagina so that sex becomes enjoyable again. Anyone who has recently received radiation therapy to the cervix or vagina should wait four weeks before beginning to use dilators.

The dilators should be used several times per week, starting with the smallest size. Coat the dilator with a water-based lubricant (silicone-based lubricants should never be used with silicone products). Slide the dilator into your vagina as far as comfortable, and leave it inserted for about 10 minutes. During this time, move it in and out to help stretch the length of the vagina, or in circles for width. After use, wash the dilator with warm water and gentle soap, or use special silicone toy cleaner. By using these regularly, gradually increasing the dilator size for increased vaginal elasticity, you will become ready to enjoy sexual pleasure again.

2. Inspire Weighted Silicone Kegel Training Kit — This three-piece Kegel training kit helps to strengthen and revitalize the pelvic floor. Kegel strengthening is important to women’s health because it: 1) can make sex more enjoyable for both you and your partner, 2) increases blood circulation and therefore facilitates arousal, 3) helps prevent incontinence and 4) allows for more elasticity and control during intercourse.

In addition, after giving birth, Kegel training can help to tighten the vagina. Using our kit is more effective than doing Kegel exercises without weights. For beginners or those with a weakened pelvic floor, begin with the smallest of the three trainers. Use water-based lubricant and insert the larger side of the trainer into the vagina a few centimeters, with the slim handle remaining outside of the body for easy retrieval.

Beginners might find it easier to insert the device while lying down at first. Progress to standing, and as gravity begins to pull down on the weighted device, contract your pelvic floor muscles to hold the weight inside. To do this, you will be tensing the same muscles you would use to stop urine flow. As you do this exercise, you’ll feel the urethra, vagina and anus lift as the surrounding muscles tighten. Beginners will likely only be able to hold the contraction for a few seconds.

Relax the muscle for a brief time and contract again when ready. With practice, and as your muscles get stronger, you will be able to sustain the contraction for up to 10 seconds. Repeat the contraction 10 to 20 times each session or until you feel your pelvic floor muscles fatigue. As your muscles become stronger, graduate to the next heaviest trainer. As with any muscles in your body, regular Kegel exercise will keep them toned. After every use, wash the Kegel weight with warm water and soap or a silicone toy cleaner.

I’ll end by wishing all women a happy Women’s Health Week, and all moms a Happy Mother’s Day. Here’s to having a great sex life, and if you feel like that part of your life has dwindled, here’s to using these tools to help you bring your sexy back! Thank you for all you do!

Dr. Mike Dow is a NY Times bestselling author & America's go-to therapist