Breast Cancer, You’re an Asshole

Posted By - , Oct 5th 2018

I’m just going to come out and say it.  Cancer is a bitch.  It’s a low-down, dirty-rotten, f-ing horrible, terrible, no good, asshole of a medical condition and it wasn’t until my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer - and went through treatment - that I truly grasped that concept.  And if cancer were standing in front of me right now, I’d cuss it out with words you’ve never heard before in your lifetime.  That’s how much I hate goddamn cancer.

I truly learned about cancer for the first time through my best friend.  So, while I can’t speak to the struggles one faces first-hand, I can say that I walked through the process with her every step of the way, from diagnosis, to chemo, to radiation and surgery, and to the horrific aftermath people somehow call “recovery.”  I know recovery is an incredible milestone when it comes to cancer, but it’s not exactly rainbows and butterflies once you reach remission. In fact, one might argue that it’s during recovery when things really get tough, particularly for breast cancer survivors.

Don’t get me wrong - my homegirl is brave AF, but after treatment, she was super tired, depressed, had zero appetite, experienced quite a bit of hair loss, and went into menopause early, at 38 years old.  Thirty-eight!  That’s complete and total bullshit, cancer, and I hate you for it.  Sexually, she was a completely different person, too.  Once vibrant, sexy, and kinkier than me (yeah, I said it), after treatment and surgery, she didn’t want anyone touching her nor did she even feel attractive anymore in her “new,” post-treatment body.  And don’t get me started on her orgasm woes!  Even when she was able to work up enough energy to be intimate with her husband, she was more concerned about the physical pain associated with sex post-treatment than the mere and distant thought of cumming.  Cancer, you are a lifeless, soul-sucker...and I hate you for it.

The truth is that one in every eight women gets diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime.  And up to 90 percent of those women say their sexual health is a major concern after treatment.  So I want to share with you what my friend has done in the past couple years to claim her “sexy back.”  And you know what?  It wasn’t easy for her, but she is a badass and sexy survivor and I love her for it.  You hear that, cancer?  #TakeThat

Here’s what my friend did to reclaim her sexy post-cancer treatment:

  • Planned spa days, frequently, to get her hair, nails and/or makeup done to feel pretty and pampered again.  
  • Walked as much as possible, outside, to breathe in some fresh air, get her blood flowing, and exercise in for the endorphin release.  She also started doing restorative yoga class a few times a week.
  • Dabbled in medical marijuana (she lives in one of the 30 legal states) to help with the lack of sleep and excruciating pain that no one tells you about which result from daily radiation treatments. You’d think that once treatment is completely finished, you’d feel better, right? Wrong! Sleepless nights and indescribable pain are the new normal for at least six months post treatment.  
  • Bought a vibrator, but not just any vibrator…a hella powerful one from CalExotics’ Inspire line that was created specifically for cancer survivors. The ability to get aroused and orgasm becomes extremely difficult post-treatment - another important detail that doctors fail to mention until you mention it, I guess!  The Inspire line’s products are powerful enough and shaped proportionally to help get women back on track with those regular big O’s.
  • Splurged on some new, lacy lingerie to feel feminine again around her hubby.

And finally, she openly talked about how she felt with a support group, her husband, and her best friend (a.k.a me).  As women, we tend to hide our sexuality and our sexual feelings, but it can be very freeing and therapeutic to talk openly and honestly about both our sexual victories...and struggles.  She is my inspiration...and I love her for it.

~ Miranda Buzzlove


Posted By - , Oct 5th 2018