What’s Luck Got to do With It?

I often tell my spouse, “I’m so lucky to be with you,” to which my partner replies, “luck’s got nothing to do with it — we deserve each other.” 

Luck is an interesting concept to explore when it comes to relationships. So, I guess my question is — in the spirit of St. Patty’s Day — when we find ourselves truly happy in a relationship, is there something special we did to achieve that happiness or is there always a little luck at play?

It feels like a complicated and deep question. I mean, just the other day, a friend of mine was reminiscing about some of his recent dating experiences.  “Why can’t I just find someone great like you do — you’re so lucky!” 

Am I really though? Is LUCK truly the right word to describe it? Perhaps we should start with a basic definition of the word luck.  Luck is the “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions.” 

Do I find myself in a successful relationship simply by chance? OH. HELL. NO.  I feel like this is a common misperception people have. Rather than randomly stumbling into the perfect relationship or person, I worked my ass off to get to the point where I was emotionally, mentally and physically ready for a long-term relationship and I continue to work my ass off to ensure longevity in my partnership. 

Now I know what you’re thinking. If you have to work THAT hard to have a successful relationship, is it really worth it? OH. HELL. YES. Not only do I have someone by my side who knows me better than anyone else and “has my back” when I need them, but I’ve also grown as a human being a million times over. In fact, I think being in a long-term relationship provides better personal development lessons than any seminar or book I’ve ever experienced. 

If luck isn’t the key then, what is? Action! 

Taking action in your relationship can be everything from asking your partner how their day was to initiating sex on a regular basis. It can be doing the laundry or dishes even if it’s not “your turn” or giving a back rub without requiring one in return. It’s little actions, regularly, to show your partner you are still engaged and putting in an effort. These actions can involve greater communication, intimacy, fun, and joy. But some actions can be personal in nature, as well.

Seeing a therapist on a regular basis, for example, is a commitment you can make to continue working on your mental and emotional health. The more you can investigate and truly understand yourself on the deepest of levels, the more prepared you are to give it your all in a relationship. Going to the gym regularly and eating healthy are other ways to take action. Believe it or not, these actions can all play a factor in the health of your relationship by increasing your endorphins and promoting a positive self-image. When you feel good about yourself, your partner feels it, too. 

Here’s the catch, though. Both partners have to be willing to take action, regularly, to make a relationship successful. And I suppose that is where a little “luck” factors into the mix. Meeting someone who is on the same page as you with regard to taking action in a relationship is a beautiful thing. Pair that desire with physical attraction and emotional depth and voila, you have a recipe for success! But you must continue to put in the ongoing effort if you’re going to go the distance, happily. 

So, what’s luck got to do with it?  In the end, just a little bit. But if you do find a partner who compliments you in this way, consider yourself deserving rather than lucky.  In the end, it’s technically not “luck” that got you there.

Happy St. Patty’s Day, my friends! 

- Jesse Hart