Stroke It™ Mouth - Ivory

Admittedly, before accepting a position with a small adult toy store chain, I'd only ever had occasion to patronize one when visiting my best friend who worked for the same company. Subsequently, in my short employment there, I've noted with wonder the sheer amount of disembodied orifices that festoon the walls. Vaginas and anuses and mouths, oh my. It's the latter I'd like to address, but if you'll allow me a slight aside, I promise it'll all come out in the end. Or front. Or maybe both... Where are all the fucking heads? Or more appropriately: where are all the heads one could fuck? Sure, label me morbid, but it wasn't me who came up with the idea of legless, armless and headless bang buddies. In the immortal words of Walter Sobchak, "Are we gonna split hairs here?" I'm not suggesting that they make a severed head with a fuckable hole where its neck was once attached to its shoulders, but one with some nice thick curls I could plunge my hands into and hold onto while getting blown wouldn't be so bad, would it? I imagine it would be as close to copulation with a decapitated head as, say, copulation with a torso. Of course I'd have to imagine it; I'm not a serial killer. But. This mouth stroker is as close to getting head from a disembodied head (or one attached to a live woman for that matter) as you're ever going to get. I have no idea who sculpted the mold for this playful pair of lips, but it should damn well be on a pedestal; it's the David of mouth strokers. When you slide your fingers around its neck you can actually feel the tension in the venter superior muscles that run along either side of the throat - tension that would not be present in a severed head, so actually, it's better. Beginners may find the presence of teeth a bit intimidating, but any seasoned connoisseur of well-crafted oral sex knows the exquisite euphoria of a teasing tug performed on the coronal margin of the glans penis by those instruments, and this stroker delivers that pleasure perfectly! The inclusion of a tongue was a stroke of genius as it runs itself along the bottom of your shaft with each thrust (executed by either your hips or your fist), sending shivers sparking from the bottom of your balls straight up your spine into all the pleasure centers of your brain. Once you pass the tongue, this stroker's throat tightens in a manner any self-proclaimed "Blow Job Queen" can only aspire to. A squeeze around its throat can't hurt, but it's definitely not necessary. The combination of teeth, tongue and tightening throat join forces to become a lethal triumvirate that even Caesar, Pompey and Crassus themselves couldn't hold a candle to. No land battle here, curious consumer. Combined with a good warming lube, you're going to be in for one wet and wild ride. Caveat: your next blow job may - no, absolutely fucking will - pale in comparison. Also, don't go around chopping off lady's heads. It's not nice.

Posted by Mario Speedwagon on Oct 1st 2022