Santa is Coming...and I Wanna Be a Ho Ho Ho!
Oh crap, the holidays are almost here and just like every year for the past decade, I feel completely and utterly unprepared. The stress of finding the perfect gift for my picky mother-in-law, the inevitable fact that I will be sitting next to a foul-smelling tween on the plane back “home” for Thanksgiving, and the unavoidable certainty that I am going to gain 15 lbs. over the course of the next two months (which will take me six months to burn off, btw)! Good lord, I’m totally screwed...
Speaking of “screwed,” (killer segue, Miranda), all is not completely lost this holiday season! If you are single, ”gettin’ laid” tends to be more of a priority. You may be attending seasonal parties, meeting new, sexy prospects, and getting your flirt on with some rando hottie-with-a-body. But for us married folk, the holidays can be more about elastic pants, popping Tums like candy, and watching Jim Carrey as The Grinch twice in a row on a Saturday night before passing out on the couch with a belly ache. But not me...no way! I refuse to abandon my sex life during the holidays. In fact, this time of year is and has always been my very favorite time of year for sex and relationship-building. It’s the perfect time to rekindle flames and for realz, friends... if Santa is coming to town, I wanna be a ho, ho, ho!
In the spirit of the season and knowing how stressful the holidays can be, I’d like to offer my tips for giving you and your partner the gift of intimacy this year:
- Get a room! No seriously….get a hotel room. Let your kids have a sleepover with family members they haven’t seen in a while (if possible) and treat yo’ self to a little privacy. Try not to think about this as an extra expense, but rather, as a gift you’re giving each other.
- Work remotely. If you are like me and have a mother-in-law who demands you sleep in separate rooms (with twin beds, by the way) when home for the holidays, spice things up by bringing a remote-control vibrator. That way, your partner can still send you some pleasure, even if you aren’t in the same room together. I personally like this one from CalExotics, but there are tons of options to choose from at varying price points!
- Be the early bird who…gets the “worm.” I know we aren’t all “morning people,” but those early hours during the day are perhaps the best time for sex. Who knows what kind of distractions the day has in store...so capitalize on mornings together and do it early!
- Plan sleepwear accordingly. During the holidays, you might not have a whole lot of time to spend together, so dress for easy-access! There are some sexy, holiday-themed sleepshirts out there that’ll do the trick.
- Act naughty, not nice. I’m not saying dress up and act like Santa Claus (unless you want to, in which case, totally do it), but perhaps get into a kinkier attitude and play a little “naughty or nice” with your S.O.
Life is too short, my friends, to allow the holidays to slow down your love life, even if you are a self-proclaimed “boring old married couple.” And no offense to Jim Carrey (afterall, he is damn good as The Grinch), but I think I’ll take a pass on the re-runs this year and find the time for amazing sex instead. #SorryNotSorry
~ Miranda Buzzlove