Breasts and the Blissfully Unexplainable

Last week, a lovely woman called into my radio show.  She was a breast cancer survivor who had undergone a double mastectomy.  Now single, she wanted to find love.  But like so many of us in the area of romance, there was fear and self-doubt holding her back.

As both a cancer survivor and a middle-aged woman, I also wanted her to get in touch with her desirability which was still there - even if she didn’t know it yet.  I gave her the Inspire Flickering Arouser which helps with clitoral stimulation and orgasm.  Since hormones, arousal, and sensitivity changes as you age or undergo treatments for various health conditions from depression to cancer, you may find yourself needing extra stimulation to reach orgasm.  When fingers no longer provide the needed stimulation, a product like the Flickering Arouser can help you to realize you still have it in you to become aroused and reach orgasm.  This can be healing as you realize your body and sexual response still functions; it just functions a little differently than when you were 20.

This can be one of the first steps in conquering and healing insecurities.  The next step: challenging the fears in your mind that hold you back.  Now insecure about her breasts after surgery, my caller wondered if a man would ever find her body attractive again.  When it comes to love and sex, many people have a version of one of these thoughts: “Am I attractive enough?”  “Am I still good looking at my age?”  “Is my butt too big?”  “Is my chin too weak?”  “Are my breasts/penis to small?”  “Does this scar that makes me different make me undesirable?”  These, of course, are all versions of: “Am I good enough?”

 The fundamental mistake here is that we assume that desirability is strictly quantifiable on a socially determined numerical scale.  And truth be told, there is an element of animalistic desire in our brain that we must acknowledge.  From an evolutionary point of view, we are generally designed to find a 25 year old more attractive than a 65 year old since the former is more likely to be fertile and, thus, provide for the continuation of the human race and our own genes.  This is even true for facial features and body parts since men and women with high levels of testosterone and estrogen, respectively, are correlated with the norms of traditional physical beauty and also virility and fertility.

 The mistake here: we are not merely animals.  While we must acknowledge our own animalistic responses, we also have to realize that we are human beings.  And if you’ve ever found a traditionally attractive person unattractive… or found yourself falling for someone who may not be traditionally good looking, you know that sometimes love is blissfully unexplainable.  Is it the way she plays with her hair when she’s nervous?  The tone of his voice?  This element of mystery and unpredictability is the joy of love.  It helps us to realize: there is a lid to every pot.

If this is true, the woman who has undergone a mastectomy will find a man who finds her naked body beautiful.  A 60 year-old is still attractive.  The woman who is no longer a size 6 can love her body while finding someone to love it.

 Whether your breasts are intact or have been altered to save your life, the blissfully unexplainable gift of love and intimacy is yours for the taking.  No matter who you are or what makes you unique, you realize that there is someone out there who will love you because of – not in spite of – all the attributes that make you who you are.

Inspire™ is a collection of thoughtfully designed products aimed at improving the lives of women on their journey for heightened sexual experiences. A portion of proceeds from Inspire products benefits Living Beyond Breast Cancer (LBBC), a non-profit that provides programs and services to those affected by breast cancer. I honor of breast cancer awareness month, CalExotics is doubling the donation. Double the proceeds from each sale of Inspire will go to LBBC to continue the fight and help women take control of their sexual health.

Place your order and make a difference today!

Dr. Mike Dow

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Dr. Mike Dow is a NY Times bestselling author & America's go-to therapist 

Published at: 29-10-2018
Tags: Dr. Mike Dow Inspire Breast Cancer Awareness Month